"Bent or Broken is the Family Tree": October 2010

October 20, 2010

The Results are In!!

Wow! What an emotional roller coaster.... Crazy it's time for me to get off! Our test results are in. But before I share them with you... Let me share how I feel.... Excited... I have little butterflies in my tummy. I can't believe I finally know. No more question or feeling bad. I know and that is all I ever really wanted. To be able to tell people, yeah my dad's name is____________. Well guess what... now I can! My Father's name is Robert Luellen. Hausa! With a probability of Paternity at 99.99% I guess it is safe to say he is my Father. Crazy!!! I'm so happy and I really hope he is okay with it all. Haven't got the chance to talk to him yet and not sure where we go from here if anywhere but I am glad to move past this Huge stone in my path. Be rid of any questioning and be happy! Thank you all for the Love and Support you have always given me, Thank your for helping raise me!! And Mom, Thanks for telling me the truth even when you lied to everyone else!! ha ha WoooHooo! XOXO, Renea

October 18, 2010

The Big Day!

So the Big Day is suppose to be tomorrow!!?? The DNA Test result should be in for Robby and myself. It's kinda strange to be here, at this point in my live. I'm Excited and Nervous...Scared and Thrilled!! And whichever way the results go, I am glad to have found him and his family. The seem to be a wonderful loving group of people. Both is daughters, Robyn and Rosa are Amazing! and this journey has helped my heal wounds I hadn't let myself feel in a long time. I appreciate Robby helping with that.. I still have a ways to go but it has started therefore I'll see it thru! Now the big question is if the result are negative... Were will that leave me and my Mother? I am struggling with that one most of all. But before I just ..."FREAK OUT!!!" I am waiting on the results, I'll go from there! If anyone has advice, feel free to chime in! Thanks for all the support and Love! XOXO, Renea

Life, Family and Time

This is because I can't be with you everyday- Becasue we all have our on lives to live and Becasue we all need to remember we are bound together. On a journey that may lead us all in different direction only to end at the same place. Besides houses and cars and cloths and jobs and school and work and bills and , and , and ~all we have, all that is really important each other, is Family.

Life really is short~ I have learned that. We really don't have all the time we think we do. It can really come down to now or never.... I have lost 4 Very important people to me in the last 7 years. Some I could deal with better than others, some that were ready and that had lived long lives- others that I still cant belive wont be calling me in the next 5 min to ask if I heard what so and so has done now or if I have finally read that books she said is the steamist bestist book ever...

I just want to live my life knowing I made the effort. I have tried. I reached out and have done what I can consider the best I could do. So that I have no regrets, no only if I's or I could haves'!

I believe in following my own heart, not the worries, fears or opinion of others. I have to do what I believe is best for me, for my heart and my soul.

I don't wana!

I don't want to EVER tell my children, "sorry, I was to scared or rapped up in my own world to reach out to that Auntie or Grama or whom ever, when I had the chance." I don't want to tell them " I'm sorry for my mistake, but they aren't around anymore for US to get to know." because it will be an US not an I. It's not about just our selves, it's about our children. I am here, I am ready and I won't be the one to crush mine and my children’s chance at more people to rely on, more love in their lives, or more family to embraces them.